


all i ever wanted was the truth

by thedarknesswithin (babylxxrry)



Series: all that glitters is not gold [4]
Category: Pentatonix, Superfruit
Genre: Angst, M/M, basically everything that i've been tagging applies, but what's new lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 02:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10151891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babylxxrry/pseuds/thedarknesswithin
Summary: when there's too much of everything all the time, something has to give, and that thing is mitch.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xxCat1989xx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxCat1989xx/gifts).



> oh hey here's iceland four.  
> very small tw warning: casual ableism- one/two usages of "crazy" in description of self/cliches?
> 
> for cat as always ily bb  
> bonus shoutouts to caty ([@Scomicheshit](https://twitter.com/Scomicheshit)) for becoming the official patron saint of iceland angst and for being the person who simultaneously hates me but yet keeps asking for more ily you're super cool
> 
> enjoy lmao

Mitch wakes up to a spam of Scott’s messages when he finally works up the nerve to turn airplane mode off the next morning. He’d been awake most of the night, up at three cleaning his room thanks to jetlag and the house being too quiet to sleep. His alarm had gone off at six. He hadn’t gone back to sleep, but he’d been curled in Scott’s bed, trying not to cry again. He’d cleaned his room again before he tackled his phone.

Me, 11:54pm: _i’m home safe._

Sunshine, 1:24am: _mitchy where r u_

Sunshine, 1:30am: _WAIT WHAT WHY_

Sunshine, 1:31am: _MITCH WHY RU AT HOME ALREADY_

Sunshine, 1:31am: _fuck_

Sunshine, 1:32am: _u had a flight yesterday omg bby im so sorry i was supposed bring u wasn’t i_

Sunshine, 1:34am: _:(((((_

Sunshine, 1:40am: _mitchy im sorry pls reply_

Me, 6:48am: _i’m fine. go have fun._

Me, 6:48am: _:)_

Mitch wonders if Scott understands the passive-aggressive smiley face. Probably, though he doesn’t always recognize it if used properly. Scott doesn’t reply, and neither of them have read receipts turned on, so he doesn’t even know if Scott’s seen it. There’s nothing for him to do- his clothes are in the wash and the first load is already put back, he’s started rearranging their fireplace mantle (featuring four grammys and some of their favorite pictures of each other- he moves them so that pictures of Scott hide pictures of himself), and he’s fresh out of inspiration for new music.

He puts Spotify on a random playlist he saved a long time back- ‘Missing You’ or some shit like that. There’s really no reason to do it, but it fits his current emotion, so he does it. He should eat breakfast to help with jetlag and because breakfast is generally considered a good thing, but he has no appetite. He takes his speaker back to his own room, curling up under his own duvet for the first time since he’s been home. It’s colder than he remembers it being.

_Don’t cry._

He thinks instead, closing his eyes and pressing his palms against his lids hard enough that stars burst and light fizzes around.

Where did they go wrong?

There was a time in their lives that Mitch had thought they’d be together forever, not just as friends, but as lovers. Boyfriends, definitely. More than that, he doesn’t know, but at least as long-term (romantic) partners.

How much more wrong could he have been? They’re still friends, sure, but they’re nowhere near as close as they used to be. It’s been worse lately, as of the past few months. He doesn’t know why. Part of it is Mitch’s fault, he knows, for being stupid and falling in love when he was young, way back in high school, even before Kirstie joined their little Trio. Mitch can’t even say he’s falling in love anymore. He’s already fallen. He’s been at the bottom of this dark, bittersweet pit for a long, long time, and he’s willing to stay there for the rest of his life if it means Scott can be happy.

He doesn’t need much. He just wants Scott to give him some love and attention every now and then. It doesn’t even have to be a lot. It just has to be a few precious minutes when he has time.

If you were to dig a deep pit straight down into the earth, the sun would only hit the bottom a few moments a day. That’s all Mitch needs. He _wants_ more, of course, he wants to be on the surface where he can bask in the warmth all day, but if that makes Scott unhappy, well, Scott and his happiness come first. Always.

Mitch opens his eyes when his music fades out and is replaced a ringtone he isn’t expecting to hear. It’s Misbehavin’, and there’s only one person that he’s set with that ringtone. Scott.

He’s almost ashamed of how fast he dives across the bed to pick up, turning the speaker off to disconnect his Bluetooth.

“Mitchy?” Scott says when Mitch picks up. There’s a vague, pounding bassline in the background, but it’s muffled. Scott must be at the club, but he’s either outside or hiding somewhere in the back. He doesn’t sound super drunk, but knowing him, he’s probably a little bit tipsy.

“Hi, Scott.”

“…I miss you.” Scott’s voice is soft, barely carrying over the music.

Mitch can’t help tearing up. _Fuck_. “I miss you too.”

“I wish you could have stayed.”

Mitch bites his lip. He doesn’t know what to say. “I-”

Scott sighs. “It’s okay. We still need to talk, right? When I get home?”

Mitch echoes Scott’s sigh. “Yeah. We do. About you. And me. And Shawn. And where we stand in terms of our relationship.”

“Mitch, it’s not what you think it is.”

Mitch can’t help the bitter laugh that bubbles out of his chest. “I feel like I’m in a bad rom-com and I’m the crazy ex or something like that.”

“Stop, Mitch. You’re not a crazy ex. Just hear me out for a second.”

There’s the sound of a door opening, music getting louder, and a question being asked, and Scott covers the phone mic and replies, answer muffled. The door opens and closes again.

“Are you still there?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Hear me out. We need to talk about us and about Shawn and about what’s happening, but not because of the reasons you think.”

“You know what? Scott, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this right now. I’m not in a good place mentally, and while I really do want to work things out, I can’t do it now. I’m sorry.”

There’s a moment of silence. Mitch thinks he’s gone too far and he opens his mouth to backtrack when Scott breaks the silence.

“Okay.” His voice is quiet again. “Okay. Don’t be sorry. I should be apologizing.”

“Why, Scott?” Mitch snaps, and oh shit, it’s happening, and it’s happening now, isn’t it. “You’re not the one who’s trying to keep himself from falling farther every single fucking day. You’re not the one that’s so fucking desperately in love with your best friend that you’re pushing yourself away because he doesn’t feel the fucking same way and it hurts, Scott, _it hurts_ and all I’m trying to do is make sure you’re happy because that’s all that matters to me. Literally all I want right now is for you to be happy and shit and I _can’t do it,_ Scott, _I can’t do this anymore._ I can’t keep pretending I don’t fucking _die_ inside when you heart-eyes at Shawn and I can’t keep pretending I’m fine when you didn’t even notice I _left the country_ until I texted you.” Mitch knows he’s raising his voice, knows his next words are going to hurt Scott, and he keeps going because he can’t stop, not now. He can feel his throat tightening and his eyes welling up and he lets his voice shake. “Do you _want_ me to keep lying, Scott, is that it? Do you _want_ me to keep crying myself to sleep listening to a fucking audio compilation of you talking because I miss the shit out of you? Is that what you want?”

There’s silence on the other end of the line and Mitch is crying again after his outburst.

“Is that what will make you happy, Scott?” Mitch feels like he’s been ripped in half, thrown to the ground and trampled on. His voice is too quiet, he knows, and it’s shaking and he hates it and he hates his feelings and he hates himself and everything else but he doesn’t hate Scott. He could never hate Scott. “Is it what makes you happy? Because if that’s what makes you happy, I’d do it every day of my life because all I want is for you to be happy. That’s all I want.”

Scott doesn’t reply, but Mitch can hear him crying. He recognizes the little catches in breath and the sniffles and the few aborted attempts to speak before Scott clears his throat and coughs out a humorless laugh.

“I’m sorry, Mitchy. I’m so sorry.” Scott’s voice is choked up and Mitch wants to cry more because he hates when Scott cries. He hates when his sunshine cries, and because of _him_ of all things.

“What do you have to be sorry for? I’m the fucked-up one here.”

“No, you’re not fucked up. I have a lot of things to explain, don’t I. I suppose I have time, so here goes nothi- _fuck,_ Mitchy, I have to go, I’m sorry. Shawn’s drunk off his ass and he punched someone and they kicked him out, shit, I’ll call you when I’m clear to talk, okay? I’m sorry, baby, I love you, bye.”

Mitch stares at his phone in bewilderment as Scott hangs up. There are still tears running down his face but right now, he’s just glad Scott doesn’t hate him, at least not to his face.

There’s hope in his chest, not much, but a tiny little bubble is forming, something that whispers that it could be okay eventually, that he won’t need to suffer for Scott to be happy.

Mitch knows hope’s dangerous, but he clings onto that little bubble with all of his might and maybe if he holds on tight enough, if he clutches it close enough to his heart and his soul, maybe one day he’ll be okay.

Maybe one day, he’ll be happy again.

 

 

 

-fin.

**Author's Note:**

> okkkkk so that probably wasn't satisfactory sorry but i swear it'll end happy ok so for the people who don't follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/babylxxrry), i'm planning on arcing this into seven parts. 1, 2, 3, and now 4 will stay as they are. 5-7 will cover scott coming home, their discussions, and some type of resolution. i've promised several people that 7 will be exclusively fluff (at least 2k) so that's a thing.  
> don't kill me if five isn't here super fast-- i meant to postpone posting this but i gave up bc i like the end too much oops whatever 
> 
> anyways!  
> leave a comment or kudos if you're ready for shit to finally start going right


End file.
